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Friday, February 26, 2016

In our own words





16 comments:

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    1. Love you too hon. I'm sitting here sick to my stomach thinking about the ugly comments that are going to fill my inbox and the nasty threats that will arrive and what makes me know I can get through it is the people like you who have surrounded us with so much love and support.

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  2. We are sharing our story in memory of our son, John Patrick Hayden who was taken from us too soon. Nothing will bring our son back, but we are hoping that by sharing our story others will be able to make a more informed choice. This story reflects our perceptions and our experience. Others may feel very differently and we respect that.

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  3. Just a reminder that the nasty comments are coming from people who are scared, because the truth will hurt their reputation and their bottom line. If they cared any deeper than that, none of this would have happened.

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    1. I try to remind myself of that. The nasty comments aren't easy. I don't feel obliged to publish them all, but I'll admit it, sometimes they make me feel sick to my stomach. Especially the ones that threaten our family. I just feel like this is the only way to deal with the overwhelming hole this has left in our lives.

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  4. Dear Rhy and Drew,

    I have been reading your blog for several months now and I am so sorry for your loss. Although I am sure it pains you to talk about the loss of your son, I want you to know that I think it is an important story to tell. Without sobering stories like yours, prospective parents looking into international surrogacy might think from scanning the other blogs that only happy endings await. People considering international surrogacy need to be fully informed of the potential pitfalls and go in with eyes wide open

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    1. Thank you so much for this comment. You hit the nail on the head as far as why we want to talk about our story. It's not because doing so is going to bring Johnny back to us or because we want to punish people. It's because people need to understand the issues with international surrogacy, good and bad, in order to make good decisions for their families. We are aware of several other people who have experienced some very painful and difficult things and often those people are shunned or threatened into silence. We believe we owe it to our son and our daughter to share that not all international surrogacy stories end happily.

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  5. Thank you guys for sharing your story with us. I don't even know how you are able to stay as strong as you have. We know where Johnny got his fight from and it not just your Uncle John :) John Patrick Hayden must be a proud little boy to know how loved he was and is.....you are both a credit to him. I cannot tell you how heartbroken I am for you both. I truly believe that the way you have been treated by your facilitator, clinic and doctor is just terribly wrong. To think you could not have a lock of hair or footprint....that makes no sense whatsoever. Why would Kim not help you when you needed her the most to say wait a minute these are my clients and this is what they want done....end of discussion. I would send this out to the media guys. You owe this woman nothing.....she definitely does not deserve your respect....she lost that along time ago. I used a different doctor and clinic but I would really want to believe that if something like this had happened a little more empathy might have been shown. Have you contacted Families Thru Surrogacy....I think Kim was a Professional Speaker at their Sydney conference surely Sam Everingham and his group would eat to comment on this publicly. I know how much they believe in transparency so surely they would want to assist you in some way. Best wishes and again thank you for sharing you are braver then I am thats for sure.

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    1. To be fair, Kim may have felt that she was doing the best that she could. I think part of the problem is that I don't necessarily think that she really knew what to do. I just wish that things had been handled differently. I wish there were better accountability in terms of the hospital, the labor and the conditions there. I hope that other people have better experiences than we did.

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  6. I am constantly in awe of the both of you. Your strength, bravery and conviction are amazing. I do wish though that certain people weren't forcing you to need so much of those things.

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    1. Thank you for being so supportive. It's how we're getting through this.

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  7. Rhy and Drew, Thank you for be so strong for John and sharing his story. We lots our son Jake at the end of 2014 in Thailand. We are not strong at this time we live hour to hour our heart are lost in our pain. We just can find the words to say so please let us thank for talk about your loss as we know we are not alone. WE SEND OUR LOVE EXPRESS TO YOUR FAMILY OXOXO

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  8. I am a GS here in the US. I listened to your video. I am so very sorry for your loss. I have a 3 year old son of my own. I also have delivered twins via a surrogacy. I cannot imagine the pain you are going through. My hear is breaking for you.

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  9. Rhy - We've been stuck in our own struggles in India so I only just learned of your son's death today. What you have been through is atrocious and heartbreaking and just unspeakably traumatic. I can't even put into words how sad we are for you and Drew and your daughter. From one IP to another, I wish you peace and healing, and most of all, justice. - H (You may remember me as one of the folks who dropped out of FTS over their botched handling of the Baby Gammy case.)

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  10. Thank you for sharing this very heart-wrenching story. We are currently pursuing surrogacy in Mumbai with a different agent. You may not fully realize it, but there is a lot of important learning in your story in terms of what to do at the time of birth and how to scrutinize the hospital. You have done a good service.

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  11. Thank you for this valuable information. This post is a great resource. More people need to see what it is like from the Surrogate point of view. Best IVF Clinics in Nigeria this will encourage others to give the gift of life.

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