Welcoming a heartbeat to our family: International Surrogacy Risks/ Danger of International Surrogacy: Eleven months.

Thursday, September 10, 2015

International Surrogacy Risks/ Danger of International Surrogacy: Eleven months.

Eleven months ago tomorrow our long awaited, much loved twins arrived.

Eleven months ago our hearts filled with joy and then shattered with sorrow.

People who we thought were our friends turned on us when they realized we were unwilling to allow them to treat the death of our son as an inconvenience to their business.

People who we mistakenly assumed would blame us for our son's death have surrounded us with love and support.

A lot has changed in the last eleven months.

Our beautiful, vivacious daughter has blossomed as the health issues related to the medical neglect of her surrogate and the consequences of her premature birth have slowly begun to resolve. She starts every morning with a smile. Her first word was "Yay!" She now says, momma, daddy-ji and didi (sister). She loves music, adores jewelry and waves to everyone we meet.

Mr. Q has flourished in his role as big brother. Having a little sister has helped him in ways that we never envisioned.

I no longer feel as alone as I did in the first few months after losing Johnny. Some incredibly wise, strong and beautiful women (I'm looking at you, JT and CR) have allowed me to rage when I needed to, cry when I needed to and have never told me to "get over" it.

Some things remain the same:

We are just as devastated by Johnny's death as we were the day he died. Perhaps even more so as the truth about his life and death has become more clear. To anyone thinking of commenting that it's time for us to "get over it", I truly hope you never have are in the position to know just how wrong you are to say this to parents who have lost a child.

We are still being threatened, harassed and defamed by people within the international surrogacy community for speaking out about the dangers that this unregulated multi-million dollar industry presents to babies, to surrogates and to intended parents.

The organization which purports itself as advocating for best practices in international surrogacy still promotes agents/agencies, facilitators and clinics with well documented and known problems.

Despite story after story of devastated intended parents, suffering surrogates and babies put in harm's way, agents and facilitators continue to promote themselves as experts in the legal and medical systems of countries they have only visited briefly.

How many babies will have to die? How many families will be left bankrupted and devastated, their dreams of a family shattered? How many surrogates will have to suffer immeasurably? When will these "surrogacy cowboys" recognize that while they may not be legally accountable for the suffering they profit from, the reality is that they are morally and ethically complicit in it continuing.

Lauren Hill said it best, "Never underestimate those who you scar, cause karma, karma comes back to you hard."

13 comments:

Maria MeintanisSeptember 10, 2015 at 5:45 PM
My mind is boggled over and over my people's disrespect of grief in general and lack of understanding of the value of the life of a child, especially one who was wanted so very badly that your family was in the position of going to such extremes to make his life possible.

But I'm sure that, as in every step of this epic journey, someone is bound to tell you that you're the one doing it wrong.
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PhoenixSeptember 14, 2015 at 3:55 AM
Rhy, it is awful to be bullied and threatened, whether those threats are real or hollow, it is crushing. In all seriousness, aren't you doing exactly the same to people who are not involved in your situation, as you complain is being done to you? You have now attacked five agents starting with Planet Hospital, you moved on to defame Catherine Moscarello, then it'd was Kim's turn, then mine (MegS) and now It's Lily and Surrogacy Beyond Borders. When does it stop Rhy? Awe all understand you have suffered a tremendous loss, and are intense pain, and yes you absolutely have the right to tell your story. But why sit as judge, jury and executioner for other people, for example me, and spread lies and malicious gossip? Please try to let some of this hatred you have for international surrogacy go, it will free you to move on, not from the pain of losing your son, but from other burdens that seem to be weighing you down.
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PhoenixSeptember 14, 2015 at 11:53 PM
Rhy, you just believe what you want to believe because you are a close minded and mean person. You believe snippets of gossi[p here and there. You believe people who say things who hide behind fake names and tell fake stories. You never ever check fact, You spread lies and gossip. That is all your blog has become, a rumour mill. You think the fact your son died makes you an authority on everything surrogacy, your hatred of surrogacy agents is legendary; your behaviour in the surrogacy community is well known as a little more than crazy. So you keep defaming people, you keep propagating myths and lies and believing people like NG are real people. I know the facts. NG is not a grieving mother and NG is not a real name. I know the real identity of NG, and also your dear helpful friend Paul McDavy. Did you see how his blog suddenly disappeared? Did you ever wonder why? Legal action, both civil and criminal. There is so much you think you know because you want to believe the worst of people. There is so much you could know, that can be backed up with proof, but the sad thing about you Rhy, is that you don't want to know. You just want a leading role in the Surrogacy "Mean Girls" movie. Rhy at any time you can ask me for proof that what I say is true. there are fake people out there, they are now involved in criminal behaviour (NG and Paul McDavy) and the police have taken the case and a criminal investigation has started. We have very strong laws against cyber bullying in Australia. But Rhy, as a wounded mom, you say what you like. International surrogacy community is fast losing patience with you. That's why you get kicked off committees. It must be lonely up there on your high moral horse.

Jennifer, I would like to remind you that my ex partners who wrote those posts on the fly because they were angry, have actually removed them, because they know what they wrote to be untrue. This has all been discussed with their Australian lawyer. But you believe what you like, when even the people who make the accusations have retracted them, you keep supporting Rhy and believing everything you read on the internet to be true. Would you like to read the legal letters between the parties? No I didn't think so, because you also don't care about the truth, you just want to be a bitch. Cheers, Meg
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PhoenixSeptember 15, 2015 at 12:29 AM
Um, why have you just removed the post you made on 25th June about me? Do you no longer believe what you wrote? Do you no longer stand by the fact you have been publishing mindless gossip because you believe everything nasty anyone says about anyone on the internet? Come on Rhy, you are an intelligent person, you are in to free speech. How about you give people the right to rebut your claims, rather than continuing this one sided dialogue that so favours you. Meg S
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Jenn.. .. ..September 15, 2015 at 11:23 AM
Totally side note here. Why would anyone do business with someone who is on a blog calling people a bitch and throwing a temper tantrum? If what Rhy says is false, why would you not ignore her and seek legal avenues to stop the blog? If what she says is true why would you not take the opportunity to better yourself? Either road, it would be kind and wise to stop using grief and the loss of a child as a weapon. It is beyond deplorable no matter how upset you get. If you believe Rhy's actions to be that of a grieving mother then simply step away and let her grieve. If you feel she's being deplorable, do not mimic action. You are doing damage to your own character simply by the words and actions expressed here. On a blog. For goodness sakes.
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MelissaSeptember 15, 2015 at 12:44 PM
Meg, I did not know who were you until a couple of days ago. I googled your name and nothing nice came up about you. Now, you continue to harass a mother who grieves a child she will never watch grow up. I think you are utterly disgusting and should be ashamed of yourself.
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Babydreams2011September 16, 2015 at 6:41 PM
I remember vividly Rhy's desperation to get to her chuldren. She was NOT GETTING ANY HELP FROM ANYONE. I am not simply a "blog reader" I KNOW HER. She is my friend. MY FAMILY. I remember getting a heartbreaking message in the wee hours of the morning that her sweet baby boy had died... She was and continues to be DEVASTATED... She is NOT acting out with grief. She is doing what anyone with a heart would do. Trying to help others so they don't suffer as she is! Meg you should be ashamed... It's funny that you say Rhy is lying, but Google tells a different story.. When you KNOW BETTER YOU DO BETTER, but in your case that isn't true and that's sad...
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