Nepal calls a halt to commercial surrogacy....
This is why it is so critical to make sure that the country you are doing surrogacy in has an actual law which allows commercial surrogacy. Doing surrogacy in a country where it is "alegal" or depending on "loopholes" and playing semantics with the law is incredibly dangerous for intended parents and their children. The middlemen who continually encourage IPs to take these incredible risks do so for one reason and one reason only- profit.
Thursday, August 27, 2015
Wednesday, June 10, 2015
Friday, May 8, 2015
100th Post
When this blog was started, I was full of hope. I was totally confident that I had found not just a good facilitator, but a friend, in Kim Waters Hendrix of Complete Surrogacy Solutions. I believed that International Fertility Centre was a clinic that I could trust not only with the lives of my children, but with the life of my surrogate. I imagined a 100th blog entry which showed our joyful family, complete at last.
Mother's Day is approaching quickly and I wish I could say that I was excited. I am happy to celebrate the relationship I have with my beautiful children. At the same time, I can't forget the fact that Johnny never got to feel his mother's arms around him. He never got to hear me say, "I love you." I never got to tell him how very much he was wanted and loved.
While I know that Mother's Day will always be a painful and complicated day for me, I am profoundly grateful to the many people who have helped me get through the last six months. I can honestly say I don't know how I would have managed without you.
•Zachary, Alexander, Clarity, Quinn and Maizy, you have made me the person I am and give me a thousand reasons to get out of bed each day.
•The US surrogacy community on Facebook has been an incredible source of support and strength. Initially, I was very afraid of speaking out about our experience. I was terrified that people would say that we deserved what happened to Johnny because we chose an international journey. Instead, our family has been embraced with open arms and surrounded with support and love. I cannot describe how grateful I am for that compassion and understanding.
•Stephanie and Jennifer, you have listened to me rage and comforted me when I was almost incapacitated with grief. I wish that the thing that brought us together had never happened to any of us. However, I could not ask for stronger or more compassionate women to walk this difficult path with me.
•To Mrs. S., wherever you are, I am celebrating with my daughter this year because of you.
•To all the IPs who could have stayed silent and allowed our family to be attacked and slandered, thank you for your courage, your integrity and your compassion. It has meant the world.
Saturday, April 25, 2015
Surrogacy in Nepal: International Surrogacy Disaster
One of the families currently stranded in Nepal with their newborns
Today our thoughts and prayers are with the surrogates, babies and intended parents who have been impacted by the terrible earthquake in Nepal. There are reports of several Israeli families with premature babies who are trying to get out of the country. I can only imagine how scared and worried they are as they try to keep their fragile babies safe.
One of the primary reservations I had when people first began touting Nepal as the next location for international surrogacy was the fragility of infrastructure in the country. For years experts have been warning about the danger to the area from earthquake, especially given that in recent years construction has been largely unregulated. Even prior to the quake, Nepal's medical infrastructure was fragile, not a single hospital in the country was accredited by the International Joint Commission on patient safety. Now those facilities are overcrowded and running short on emergency supplies, and morgues are running out of space. BIR hospital is reported to be treating people in the streets.
Hours after the quake, the death toll is already above 1500. However, surviving the initial quake and its aftershocks is only the first hurdle that must be overcome. The country is highly dependent on hydroelectric power plants, it's not yet clear what damage they have sustained. Interruptions to the power grid are not unusual in Katmandu, so many people and businesses have generators, however, given the significant damage to roads moving fuel to where it is needed is going to be very difficult.
I doubt that fertility clinics are going to be given first priority for allocation of what is likely going to be a scarce commodity. This could have grave consequences not only for surrogates in housing, but for the thousands of embryos imported there in recent months.
Cholera is a regular problem in Nepal, one which could easily become epidemic given the difficulty in maintaining clean water and adequate sanitation after a disaster of this magnitude.
When people advertise they are experts at surrogacy in a third world country the implication they are giving to intended parents is that they are prepared for the worst. Unfortunately, as has been seen repeatedly, many of the so called "experts" are little more than expensive glorified travel agents with little to know understanding of the challenges that may be faced even under the best of conditions. I have zero faith have the ability to truly help intended parents under conditions like these.
Thursday, April 16, 2015
Dr. Rita Bakshi/ Complete Surrogacy Solutions: Ashes to Ashes
GUEST POST by Jennifer Matusiak
I wish I could say I'm happy that Drew
and Rhy asked me to write this post. I'm happy that there's some
small part of this tragedy that I can take on for them but I don't
think anyone could be anything but horrified at the subject.
It's recently come to light that the
ashes Bakshi presented to Rhy as belonging to Johnny, ashes for which
Bakshi demanded additional payment, may not have been Johnny's at
all. In fact, they are, in all likelihood, wood ashes.
I realize this is a bold, and
terrifying, statement. The idea that someone could be so heartless
as to lie to a grieving mother about the ashes of her child is beyond
the comprehension of most of us. So far beyond that I bet some of
you reading this will not only question my sanity, but the science.
A lot of things can be debated, but
scientific facts aren't one of them.
Fact: After cremation (open-air or
electric) the ashes and pieces of bone are pulverized to a fine powder. This occurs both in the
United States and in India.
I'm not sure why the authenticity of
Johnny's ashes came into question and, ultimately, it doesn't really
matter. Upon inspection of the ashes there are, quite obviously,
small bits of wood mixed in with the ash.
Fact: In order for wood to be
completely turned to ash, it needs to be held at temperatures between 1100-1500 degrees Fahrenheit
for 2-4 seconds.
Fact: In order to be reduced to "ash" (with some bits of bone) a human body must be held at temperatures between 1400-1800 degrees
Fahrenheit for 2-3 hours. These temps and times are standard for electric cremation
chambers.
Knowing these facts, how could Johnny's
ashes contain bits of wood (large enough to see with the naked eye)
if he was, in fact, cremated in an electric crematory as Bakshi
claims?
Answer: They can't.
Aside from the fact that wood isn't
used in an electric crematory (so how could it be in Johnny's ashes?)
it only takes 2-4 seconds to reduce wood to ash. It would have
taken far longer to cremate Johnny's body, as tiny as it was, even
accounting for the small overlap in necessary temperatures. So, had
there for SOME reason been wood in the chamber, it would have been
ashed.
There is no possible way for there to
be identifiable pieces of wood in human ashes.
The unfortunate and horrible conclusion
I was forced to make and present to Rhy was that the ashes she paid
for could not possibly have been Johnny's. They can't be human,
even.
THIS is what cremains should look like.
A fine sandy texture as opposed to a
powder. This is because cremains aren't ashes, as such. The ashes presented as Johnny's are, quite obviously, just that. Wood ash.
Given the circumstances surrounding the
entire issue (which Rhy has discussed previously) my conclusion is
that Bakshi disposed of Johnny's body (either in the river, in the
trash or “donated” to medical students for dissection) as she saw
fit, without asking his parents what they preferred. Then, when
they requested some small token of remembrance from their son (a lock
of hair, a footprint) she realized her stupidity. After expressing
their desire to have their son cremated she likely seized that
opportunity to hide her idiocy, presenting ashes from a wood fire to
Rhy and claiming they belonged to her son.
Unethical. Deceitful. Reprehensible.
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
Kim Waters Hendrix and the truth?
http://welcomingaheartbeattruthfully.blogspot.com
No posts yet, but we'll see how this next layer of harassment and abuse unfolds.
For the record, I have zero issue with someone who has a different experience with Kim sharing that. They have just as much right to be heard as I do. However, I think it's shady as hell to use a blog name designed to promote confusion and giving the impression that they know the truth about our situation? Not okay. Using a fake google profile to conceal your identity? Not real professional.
Given the amount of our private and personal information, Kim has already shared about us I'm not sure what "truth" she'd like to reveal. Perhaps she'd like to share the real reason that she and Dr. Bakshi did not use the mortuary that the American Consulate recommended?
Tuesday, March 31, 2015
Families Through Surrogacy: Consumer Advocacy Group or Trade Show?
"Families Through Surrogacy is a consumer-based non-profit organization focused on bringing together surrogates, intended parents and families through surrogacy to network, share their stories and stay informed about best practices in surrogacy arrangements"
In March 2014, I spoke at the West Coast Families Through Surrogacy Conference held in San Francisco, California. I was also a member of the conference committee from the fall of 2013 to the summer of 2014.
In March 2014, I spoke at the West Coast Families Through Surrogacy Conference held in San Francisco, California. I was also a member of the conference committee from the fall of 2013 to the summer of 2014.
I was very excited when I first joined the FTS conference committee . I felt honored to be part of a group that promoted transparency, ethics and best practices in international surrogacy. It wasn't very long though before I began questioning how the conference's policy on sponsorship could be reconciled with its mission statement.
While I understand the financial reality of doing conferences around the world, I am disheartened by the way the financial need for sponsorship appears to be overshadowing FTS's stated mission. When I was on the committee one of the very difficult conversations we had regarded a set of sponsors who had ties to a medical tourism company currently under FBI investigation. When I expressed concern about promoting players with a history that was at the least problematic, Sam responded with something along the lines of "Well they are being investigated, but they aren't indicted yet."
Surely there is a better measure of best practices than "Not yet indicted." Allowing people with long histories of questionable behavior the opportunity to promote themselves at Families through Surrogacy conferences not only makes vulnerable IPs a captive audience to providers with known issues, it undermines the credibility that the conference has with the wider surrogacy community. Whether the committee realizes it or not, allowing someone to present at the conference is an endorsement of their services.
Unfortunately, the conference has been used by more than one provider in this manner. Speaking at the conference legitimizes providers, allowing them to present themselves as recognized "authorities" when that is often not be the reality. It grants them a veneer of respectability and allows them them not only a captive audience, but they can later refer to their "speaking engagement" as a way to recruit new clients.
The year I spoke at the West Coast Families through Surrogacy conference Kim Waters Hendrix of Complete Surrogacy Solutions also spoke. It was very clear the conference was used as a platform to promote her business. This pattern was repeated later that same year in Australia, where many people complained of Kim's "grandstanding." Kim used the forum not only to promote her own services, but also to denigrate her competitors.
Last year, Megan Sainsbury was "banned" from the Families through Surrogacy conference in Australia. This year, Kim Hendrix is banned while Megan is attending under the umbrella of the clinic she promotes in Mexico. What changed during this time? To my knowledge, no one from Families Through Surrogacy has explained why Kim went from being actively promoted to being banned and what Meg did that resolved the issues that caused her to not be allowed at the conference one year and then allowed to return the next.
At the very least, if a concern is brought to a provider, and it's serious enough to warrant not allowing them to attend the conference, and then they take the time and energy to resolve those issues so that you feel comfortable bringing them back, it seems like it would be in everyone's best interest to give them credit for making those changes.
If the conference wants to grant sponsorships to anyone willing to pay the fee, in much the same way that vendors at a trade show are selected, that is clearly their prerogative. However, it's my opinion that if you want to maintain credibility as a non profit IP focused advocacy group, "not yet indicted" and "not popular at this time" is an incredibly low standard for professional participants.
When Families through Surrogacy allows agents to abuse intended parents publicly and says nothing? They are giving their tacit approval of the behavior. They are in fact contributing to the climate of fear and intimidation that permeates the international surrogacy community. When Families through Surrogacy is not transparent about how they choose sponsors, they are not modeling the transparency that intended parents should expect from ALL parties who work in this field.
I know that I am not the first person, nor am I likely to be the last, to bring these issues to their attention.
Consumer driven advocacy groups have a responsibility to advocate. If they do not want to take on that responsibility then truth in advertising demands that they notify attendees that they are a trade group for agents and clinics. This would all them to continue to provide information to consumers, but would give those intended parents the proper context for that information.
If you aren't part of the solution, you're part of the problem.
Monday, March 30, 2015
Is this professional behavior? - by Drew
While we have always named specific people who have exhibited behavior with which we have grave concerns, it could still be possible that someone could read our blog and believe that we are against international surrogacy, and that it should be shut down. This is not true. Despite Johnny's death and what has transpired subsequently, without international surrogacy we would not have the delight that is our daughter. However, we are disappointed by the sheer number of people in the international surrogacy community who seem committed to behaving in unprofessional and/or questionable ways.
The most recent example of this:
Last night, I received this Facebook message from Catherine Moscarello, of IP Conceptions.
To put it (very) briefly, Ms Moscarello started out as a Planet Hospital employee. Catherine and her husband seem to be the only ones to who materially benefited from its implosion. While the rest of us lost thousands of dollars, Catherine Moscarello awalked away with a set of embryos and the entire Planet Hospital client file. Catherine then launched IP Conceptions, her own surrogacy facilitation business in Mexico. In the beginning, Catherine consulted frequently with us as to our opinions on best practices, transparency, etc. We wanted to believe that she had good intentions. However, when she began make decisions that appeared to put her interests above those of IPs who had lost tens of thousands of dollars to Planet Hospital, we spoke up. On good days, she ignored the concerns we and others shared with her. On other days, we and several other former Planet Hospital clients were viciously attacked.
Ultimately, we decided there was no point continuing to engage with her, so we severed contact with her and considered the matter closed.
Putting aside the hubris that makes her think that we are required to publish any comment she were to write, let me point out that we have not "attacked" Megan Sainsbury. While we have expressed disappointment at Meg's behavior towards friends of ours, we haven't made any posts that address her or her business. I have no idea what comment Catherine is going on about. Please keep this in mind as you read the conversation between Catherine and I.
The following is the screencap she linked me to:
And now these are my screencaps of the rest of our conversation:
Ms. Moscarello is correct that we have put things out there publicly. If she would like to refute those things or address them, it's my understanding she has her own social media accounts that she can use to do so. My wife has blocked Catherine on her telephone, on email, on Facebook, has put her on ignore on BabyCenter and has repeatedly asked her to not contact us. Despite that, Ms. Moscarello appears to believe she has the right to continue a barrage of unwanted and harassing contact. This does not seem like professional behavior.
Saturday, March 28, 2015
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
Written by Drew - You know what they say about birds of a feather...
Sharing confidential information with other people is unethical and unprofessional. We will not address the many false statements in these emails because there are just too many to count. However, this sharing of information and bullying is not appropriate. We have redacted the client names to protect their confidentiality.
Upon seeing these messages, we decided to reach out to Carrie and respectfully request that she not engage in discussing our case anymore. Enough people had already been made privy to our private information.
This was the answer we received.
Our response to her threatening us:
Her final message to us.
It would have been perfectly acceptable for Kim to ask the people who have had positive experiences with her to share them. She did NOT need to discuss us....at all.
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